No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
