I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
