eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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