Please, let me fuck your mom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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