i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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