i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
