i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
