Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
