oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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