We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
