Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
