you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
