I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
