So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
