I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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