Porn is love you can see.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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