so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
