Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
