return my video game
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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