Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
