As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
