I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
