She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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