The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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