In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
