My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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