Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
