Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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