when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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