I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
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i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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