Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
