she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
