she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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