The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
