I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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