I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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