I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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