Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
