I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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