Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
