I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
