I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
