butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
