Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
