All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
