HIV tests are more positive than that guy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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