God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
