think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
