areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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