Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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