Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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