Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize