I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
