your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
