I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
