apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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