my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
