sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
