i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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