WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
