Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She bit a glass in half.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
