I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
