mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
