Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.