It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine