hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!