Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?