He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story