At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
