Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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