im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i came on her dog
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
