i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
