Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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