This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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