I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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