Quick, to the slutcave!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
