"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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