two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
