She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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