How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
